Sage Northcutt to Train BJJ with Katt Williams

News is surfacing that “Super” Sage Northcutt is going to fight on the upcoming blockbuster UFC 200 card in July against the unheralded Enrique Marin. The question on everyone’s mind is, “What is he going to do to shore up his jiu-jitsu game?”

Following his shocking tap at the UFC on Fox: Johnson vs Bader card in January to a barely there arm-triangle choke at the hands of Brian (sp?) Barberena, cries of overrated and overpaid were levied at the 20-year old doe-faced man child with the abs of titanium. Charges of favouritism by the UFC and preferential matchmaking have dogged his time with the promotion, but the Barberena loss highlighted how far he really has to go to reach the heights of the sport, especially in the ultra-competitive light and welterweight divisions.

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Faces of MMAeth – Conor McGregor

The Notorious One was allegedly spotted walking around Dublin’s Abbey Street asking for “a Euro for the bus” before his bout with Diego Brandao on 19 July 2014. It seems this brush with MMAeth was enough of a scare for the svelt Crumlin man; he has since moved up to the Light Heavyweight division and is rumoured to be taking on the forces of Heaven at 205lb after he loses (again) to Stockton’s Finest at UFC 200 on July 9 2016.

Click here for more shocking Faces of MMAeth.

UR Fight: UR Fucking Kidding Me!

What the hell happened last night in Phoenix, Arizona. Last time we checked, Phoenix was not in International Waters. Unless Bill Hicks’ Arizona Bay concept has come to fruition while I’ve been gacked up on day/night cold medicine for the past few days, there should still be some laws in Phoenix.

Giving new meaning to the phrase ‘Vale Tudo’, Roy Jones Jr knocked out a fan and Michael Bisping used mock elbows to try to soften up Chael Sonnen in a grappling match. WWE wrestlers did their thing and the ever-humble Rampage Jackson dropped a c-bomb. Tank Abbot almost fought on the card, for Christ’s sake.

But we here at Cage Burn can’t help but think we could’ve done better. After a weekend spent in an opiate-induced dream state, we’ve come up with the following fight card.

 

Touch Butt Demonstration: Ido Portal vs a Gazelle

Touch Butt, a previously unheralded martial art, was brought to the forefront of our imaginations recently. While most accept that Ido Portal, the art’s foremost practitioner, is at his most dangerous in the park, it will be interesting to see how he performs inside our patented dodecagon cage (12 sides for the math-inhibited).

 

Continue reading “UR Fight: UR Fucking Kidding Me!”

Cage Burn Salutes the UFC for Giving us 4 More Months of Touch Butt

On Friday, it was reported that Conor McGregor would face Nate Diaz once again, this time at UFC 200. With the highest profile fighters in the sport more popular than ever, the event will be a landmark on the MMA landscape and is expected to be stacked, top to bottom. While an entire fight card full of stars may stir the imaginations of both hardcore and softcore fans alike, what gets us up in the morning is touch butt.

We here at Cage Burn salute the UFC for giving us four more months of touch butt. Whether touch butt takes place in the park with dorks, or in the privacy of one’s home, is not important. What’s important is that it is talked about, endlessly, from now until July.

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Je Suis Diaz – Stockton’s Proudest Son Granted Recognition by Nevada State Athletic Commission

In the aftermath of last weekend’s incredible events which saw UFC fighter and touchbutt brownbelt Conor McGregor unceremoniously merked by Stockton’s Nate Diaz, supporters of the newly crowned unofficial UFC Featherweight Champ and pound-for-pound kushlord stood for a ceremonial one minute flip-the-bird in the general direction of Ireland today at exactly 16.20 Pacific Standard Time.

In a stunningly apt display of ganjacity, a representative of the Nevada State Athletic Commission subsequently announced a medical suspension for the esteemed boxer and Jiu-Jitsu blackbelt which is to stand until April 20th and which has unofficially been claimed as a something of a reward for the lifetime cannabis afficonado.

Continue reading “Je Suis Diaz – Stockton’s Proudest Son Granted Recognition by Nevada State Athletic Commission”