“Dana Afraid to Really Travel Back in Time”: Scott Coker

As of late, it has become the en vogue thing for MMA matchmakers to reach into yesteryear and dust off some oldies but goodies in an attempt to rekindle some of the sport’s pre-saturation lustre. This weekend’s UFC on Fox 19 card from Tampa, Florida does just that, featuring a main event of Glover Teixeira vs Rashad Evans and a co-main event of Lyoto Machida vs Dan Henderson.

But according to Bellator’s Scott Coker, Dana White is afraid to really crank up the Delorean and take the sport for a ride back in time.

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UR Fight: UR Fucking Kidding Me!

What the hell happened last night in Phoenix, Arizona. Last time we checked, Phoenix was not in International Waters. Unless Bill Hicks’ Arizona Bay concept has come to fruition while I’ve been gacked up on day/night cold medicine for the past few days, there should still be some laws in Phoenix.

Giving new meaning to the phrase ‘Vale Tudo’, Roy Jones Jr knocked out a fan and Michael Bisping used mock elbows to try to soften up Chael Sonnen in a grappling match. WWE wrestlers did their thing and the ever-humble Rampage Jackson dropped a c-bomb. Tank Abbot almost fought on the card, for Christ’s sake.

But we here at Cage Burn can’t help but think we could’ve done better. After a weekend spent in an opiate-induced dream state, we’ve come up with the following fight card.

 

Touch Butt Demonstration: Ido Portal vs a Gazelle

Touch Butt, a previously unheralded martial art, was brought to the forefront of our imaginations recently. While most accept that Ido Portal, the art’s foremost practitioner, is at his most dangerous in the park, it will be interesting to see how he performs inside our patented dodecagon cage (12 sides for the math-inhibited).

 

Continue reading “UR Fight: UR Fucking Kidding Me!”