The MMA world has plunged into near-suicidal despair after Jones vs Cormier II has been cut from UFC214 just hours after weigh-in was completed. This is the third time the scheduled bout has been cancelled following previous lawbreaking shenanigans. UFC president Dana White has gone on the record saying “We’re never making this fight again. Ever. Forget about it. It’s over.”
In a shocking development, the fight has been cancelled not over Jon Jones’ narcotic indiscretions, but because of Daniel Cormier breaking contractual obligations with Reebok. The hirsute 47-year-old was snapped at an open workout fan session decked out in garb emblazoned with favourites from the good old days, which an inside source was worth $100K to the “champ”.
The fan session descended into chaos when the UFC’s head honcho physically intervened to save the brand’s sponsorship investment with Reebok, luring Cormier from the mat with promises of chocolate cake.
Reports that Cormier’s onesie was emblazoned in a full Hoelzer Reich backpiece remain unconfirmed.
Some fighters claim to be hungry. Not literally, in the sense of being poor and needing more food. They mean it metaphorically, as in, hungry for success. But no matter how hungry you are, you can’t eat success and / or championship belts. Yet a bit of success on the canvas may well put (actual) food on the table – or on your feet.
One fighter was so poor while fighting for the UFC that he could not even afford shoes. His name is Matt Mitrione and his shoeless days are over.
Following the expiry of his contract with the UFC, Mitrione signed on with rival promotion Bellator (Italian for beautiful tor). His new promotion’s mouthpiece, Scott Coker, has promised him all the shoes he could eat.