In a move that has stunned the worlds of MMA, boxing and I-told-you-so-activism, Irish MMA Superstar Conor McGregor (21-3 in MMA) has released the details of his corner for his upcoming bout vs Boxing Legend Floyd Mayweather (49-0 in Boxing)…and it is legit racist as hell.
Alongside long-time coach John Kavanagh, Team McGregor has called in Adolf Hitler (Intercontinental champion, 1939-1942), Pepe The Frog (alt-right cruiserweight contender, 2015-) and Ku-Klux Clam (Itchy & Scratchy’s friend with white supremacist links). None are noted pugilists, leading critics to slam McGregor with allegations of theatrical con artistry.
Mayweather’s flouncing coach Justin Bieber has lashed out at McGregor, commenting “now it’s ON, leprechaun boy! It’s too late now to say sorry!”
Reached for comment, Conor McGregor’s response was lost in a blur of puffy-chesting amidst a string of hurdy-gurdy gobbledegook.
Continue reading “McGregor Announces Corner Team Vs Mayweather and it is Legit Racist”
So there I am, yeah, only five minutes home after flyin’ round the whole bleedin’ world for them fookin press conferences. I’m about to get into me 24 Carat Chinese Silk Superman pajamas and throw me feet up in the McMansion, when the phone rings. Who’s on the line only Ramzan bleedin’ Kadyrov! I’m there, Ramadan Whozakov? It turns out he’s only a bleedin’ WARLORD and an MMA promoter. So he tells me he’s made a “gentlemen’s agreement” with Dana for a deathmatch between the UFC and his team and he wants me to come over and train them for a day! The chap’s a dictator over in Azerbaijan or somewhere and he’s pals with all these knobheads – Tyson, Mayweather, even yer man Chris Weidman, that dope who got lucky when The Spider was his way out. And wait’ll ya hear this, Khabib, the lad who had a scrap with a pack of wolves – he’s Kadyrov’s little fookin lovechild! They done a genetics test and ev’ryting.
Continue reading “Comrade McGregor – Letter To Chechnya”
45-year-old Republican candidate Ted Cruz has dropped out of the presidential race in order to devote more time to his MMA training.
Citing a disillusionment with politics, sources close to Cruz said that he was sick of enacting mere proxy violence on disadvantaged members of North American society and instead wanted to “really, actually hurt some poor people…like, by hand?”.
The consumate Thai stylist dropped the news with a textbook side elbow to the face of wife Heidi; all of his us here at Cageburn MMA wish him the best in following the footsteps of cousin Dominic…by amassing as many career-threatening injuries as possible.
It’s no secret that MMA’s number one political cage-rattler is a big fan of Russia, having recently received citizenship in the great nation that provided us with vodka, Stalin’s Organ and that cool dance Zangief does when he wins.
“Russians are a generous, strong and thoughtful people, who embody many of the characteristics that you find in the world’s best leaders and fighters” claimed the 44-year-old veteran in an interview with Russia Beyond The Headlines.
Continue reading “MMA’s Son of Anarchy Jeff Monson is Dancing With The Stars in Russia”