Jared ‘Tha Killa Gorilla’ Cannonier vs Cyril ‘Silverback’ Asker: Controversial ‘Freakshow’ Bout To Take Place At UFC Fight Night 86 – Rothwell vs. Dos Santos

In a wild bid to compete with Bellator’s recent outrageous match making, UFC fight starter Joe Silva has allegedly ‘crossed the line’, according to a source in the upper echelons of the Nevada State Athletic Commission who wished to remain anonymous.

Initially slated to appear on the promotions’s marquee second centenary event on July 9th, a ‘freakshow’ bout between Jared ‘Tha Killa Gorilla’ Cannonier and Cyril ‘Silverback’ Asker has been hurried forward to this Sunday 10 April’s UFC Fight Night in Zagreb, Croatia.

Both heavyweights have identical 7-1 records. One hails from Dallas, Texas…the other from Avignon, France.

With Cannonier coming off his first career loss to Shawn Jordan at UFC 182 Jones vs Cormier, he’ll be keen to avenge the loss – especially given his perfect prior record and five first round stoppages before a disappointing debut for the world’s premier promotion.

On the other hand, Asker will be out for blood. The Frenchman comes into his first UFC match-up off the back of a five fight winning streak, not having tasted defeat since 2013.

While most fight fans would already consider this scrap to hold great potential showcase value for both prospects, apparently the UFC had other ideas. Forced to go elsewhere with their ‘bloodthirsty madness’ (as Aaaron Nonny-Mouse of the NSAC termed it), the controversial decision was made to situate the first ever UFC Knife Fight in the Eastern European nation known primarily for gorgeous women, internecine warfare and football violence.

With the fighter’s nicknames allegedly inspiring comparisons to monkey knife fights, Tha Killa Gorilla will face The Silverback over 3 x 5 minute rounds with a 12” bowie knife. Specially crafted weapons have been commissioned to fit snugly in the regulation 4-ounce gloves, and a $50K “Throat Slash Of The Night” bonus is potentially up for grabs.

Cage Fight MMA reached out to both men’s fight camps for comment; while Cannonier’s Gracie Barra team in Anchorage declined to comment, a training partner of Asker’s brought in especially to prefer for the unorthodox bout had the following to say:

“Oooh ooh ooh, ah ah aaaaah…EEE!! EEE!! EEEEE!!!”. A translator hired for the Skype call commented “’e eez a cheeky leettle monkey man. Voulez vous un banana, mon petit ami?”. Wild shrieks were heard and the screen went blank.

Whatever your opinion on the state of the world and it’s continuing slide into a dystopian wasteland orientated only to the whims of our capitalist overlords, one thing is sure…on Sunday night in Zagreb, there WILL be blood.

Je Suis Diaz – Stockton’s Proudest Son Granted Recognition by Nevada State Athletic Commission

In the aftermath of last weekend’s incredible events which saw UFC fighter and touchbutt brownbelt Conor McGregor unceremoniously merked by Stockton’s Nate Diaz, supporters of the newly crowned unofficial UFC Featherweight Champ and pound-for-pound kushlord stood for a ceremonial one minute flip-the-bird in the general direction of Ireland today at exactly 16.20 Pacific Standard Time.

In a stunningly apt display of ganjacity, a representative of the Nevada State Athletic Commission subsequently announced a medical suspension for the esteemed boxer and Jiu-Jitsu blackbelt which is to stand until April 20th and which has unofficially been claimed as a something of a reward for the lifetime cannabis afficonado.

Continue reading “Je Suis Diaz – Stockton’s Proudest Son Granted Recognition by Nevada State Athletic Commission”