Burn the Books – UFC on Fox 19

Burn the Books is a recurring segment here at Cage Burn. Before every major event, and many of the minor ones, we will break down some of the best betting lines and give you our expert gambling advice. This week we look at UFC on Fox 19, a fight card expected to take us back in time until Lyoto Machida was scratched. It’s the most exciting thing to hit the Tampa metropolitan area since Hulk Hogan’s sex tape trial a few weeks ago. Check out the previous instalment.

 

Somebody pops for steroids during the walkout: +550

There are no steroid tests during the walkouts. There’s not even really a feasible way for it to happen. It would literally take a fighter to pee their pants in fear and then fall over crotch-first onto some testing equipment owned by USADA. I know people are thinking about taking this bet based on the spirit of the times, but seriously, they’re sucking you in to take your money. I mean, who falls over crotch-first?

Continue reading “Burn the Books – UFC on Fox 19”

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UR Fight: UR Fucking Kidding Me!

What the hell happened last night in Phoenix, Arizona. Last time we checked, Phoenix was not in International Waters. Unless Bill Hicks’ Arizona Bay concept has come to fruition while I’ve been gacked up on day/night cold medicine for the past few days, there should still be some laws in Phoenix.

Giving new meaning to the phrase ‘Vale Tudo’, Roy Jones Jr knocked out a fan and Michael Bisping used mock elbows to try to soften up Chael Sonnen in a grappling match. WWE wrestlers did their thing and the ever-humble Rampage Jackson dropped a c-bomb. Tank Abbot almost fought on the card, for Christ’s sake.

But we here at Cage Burn can’t help but think we could’ve done better. After a weekend spent in an opiate-induced dream state, we’ve come up with the following fight card.

 

Touch Butt Demonstration: Ido Portal vs a Gazelle

Touch Butt, a previously unheralded martial art, was brought to the forefront of our imaginations recently. While most accept that Ido Portal, the art’s foremost practitioner, is at his most dangerous in the park, it will be interesting to see how he performs inside our patented dodecagon cage (12 sides for the math-inhibited).

 

Continue reading “UR Fight: UR Fucking Kidding Me!”