UR Fight: UR Fucking Kidding Me!

What the hell happened last night in Phoenix, Arizona. Last time we checked, Phoenix was not in International Waters. Unless Bill Hicks’ Arizona Bay concept has come to fruition while I’ve been gacked up on day/night cold medicine for the past few days, there should still be some laws in Phoenix.

Giving new meaning to the phrase ‘Vale Tudo’, Roy Jones Jr knocked out a fan and Michael Bisping used mock elbows to try to soften up Chael Sonnen in a grappling match. WWE wrestlers did their thing and the ever-humble Rampage Jackson dropped a c-bomb. Tank Abbot almost fought on the card, for Christ’s sake.

But we here at Cage Burn can’t help but think we could’ve done better. After a weekend spent in an opiate-induced dream state, we’ve come up with the following fight card.

 

Touch Butt Demonstration: Ido Portal vs a Gazelle

Touch Butt, a previously unheralded martial art, was brought to the forefront of our imaginations recently. While most accept that Ido Portal, the art’s foremost practitioner, is at his most dangerous in the park, it will be interesting to see how he performs inside our patented dodecagon cage (12 sides for the math-inhibited).

 

Continue reading “UR Fight: UR Fucking Kidding Me!”

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Top 5 Most Humble Fighters

This week’s Top 5 draws inspiration from every bandwagon fan’s favourite fighter, Conor McGregor. Following the Touchbutt brown belt’s surprising loss via rear naked choke to Jiu Jitsu black belt Nate Diaz, his ever flapping gums uttered the words, “I am always humble, in victory or defeat.”

Anyone with ears was taken aback by the statement from the same mouth that had said pre-fight that he could buy and sell his opponent 100 times over.

Continue reading “Top 5 Most Humble Fighters”