Bellator Announces Signing of New Welterweight: Gregory McConnors

The recent competition between MMA’s two premier promotions to scoop up all available talent has heated up to lava-level proportions. Bellator and President Scott Coker have had a run of success signing big name free agents. Now you can add another to the list.

Today Bellator (which is Italian for beautiful tor) announced the signing of up and coming free agent Gregory McConnors. The outstanding prospect is slated to fight the winner of this weekend’s Benson Henderson vs Russian Guy bout for the promotion’s welterweight title.

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“Dana Afraid to Really Travel Back in Time”: Scott Coker

As of late, it has become the en vogue thing for MMA matchmakers to reach into yesteryear and dust off some oldies but goodies in an attempt to rekindle some of the sport’s pre-saturation lustre. This weekend’s UFC on Fox 19 card from Tampa, Florida does just that, featuring a main event of Glover Teixeira vs Rashad Evans and a co-main event of Lyoto Machida vs Dan Henderson.

But according to Bellator’s Scott Coker, Dana White is afraid to really crank up the Delorean and take the sport for a ride back in time.

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Jared ‘Tha Killa Gorilla’ Cannonier vs Cyril ‘Silverback’ Asker: Controversial ‘Freakshow’ Bout To Take Place At UFC Fight Night 86 – Rothwell vs. Dos Santos

In a wild bid to compete with Bellator’s recent outrageous match making, UFC fight starter Joe Silva has allegedly ‘crossed the line’, according to a source in the upper echelons of the Nevada State Athletic Commission who wished to remain anonymous.

Initially slated to appear on the promotions’s marquee second centenary event on July 9th, a ‘freakshow’ bout between Jared ‘Tha Killa Gorilla’ Cannonier and Cyril ‘Silverback’ Asker has been hurried forward to this Sunday 10 April’s UFC Fight Night in Zagreb, Croatia.

Both heavyweights have identical 7-1 records. One hails from Dallas, Texas…the other from Avignon, France.

With Cannonier coming off his first career loss to Shawn Jordan at UFC 182 Jones vs Cormier, he’ll be keen to avenge the loss – especially given his perfect prior record and five first round stoppages before a disappointing debut for the world’s premier promotion.

On the other hand, Asker will be out for blood. The Frenchman comes into his first UFC match-up off the back of a five fight winning streak, not having tasted defeat since 2013.

While most fight fans would already consider this scrap to hold great potential showcase value for both prospects, apparently the UFC had other ideas. Forced to go elsewhere with their ‘bloodthirsty madness’ (as Aaaron Nonny-Mouse of the NSAC termed it), the controversial decision was made to situate the first ever UFC Knife Fight in the Eastern European nation known primarily for gorgeous women, internecine warfare and football violence.

With the fighter’s nicknames allegedly inspiring comparisons to monkey knife fights, Tha Killa Gorilla will face The Silverback over 3 x 5 minute rounds with a 12” bowie knife. Specially crafted weapons have been commissioned to fit snugly in the regulation 4-ounce gloves, and a $50K “Throat Slash Of The Night” bonus is potentially up for grabs.

Cage Fight MMA reached out to both men’s fight camps for comment; while Cannonier’s Gracie Barra team in Anchorage declined to comment, a training partner of Asker’s brought in especially to prefer for the unorthodox bout had the following to say:

“Oooh ooh ooh, ah ah aaaaah…EEE!! EEE!! EEEEE!!!”. A translator hired for the Skype call commented “’e eez a cheeky leettle monkey man. Voulez vous un banana, mon petit ami?”. Wild shrieks were heard and the screen went blank.

Whatever your opinion on the state of the world and it’s continuing slide into a dystopian wasteland orientated only to the whims of our capitalist overlords, one thing is sure…on Sunday night in Zagreb, there WILL be blood.

Matt Mitrione Signs With Bellator; Can Now Afford Shoes

Some fighters claim to be hungry. Not literally, in the sense of being poor and needing more food. They mean it metaphorically, as in, hungry for success. But no matter how hungry you are, you can’t eat success and / or championship belts. Yet a bit of success on the canvas may well put (actual) food on the table – or on your feet.

One fighter was so poor while fighting for the UFC that he could not even afford shoes. His name is Matt Mitrione and his shoeless days are over.

Following the expiry of his contract with the UFC, Mitrione signed on with rival promotion Bellator (Italian for beautiful tor). His new promotion’s mouthpiece, Scott Coker, has promised him all the shoes he could eat.

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