In a Cageburn exclusive, former UFC Middleweight Champion Chris Weidman has attributed his choke-out win over Kelvin Gastelum at #UFCLongIsland to his opponent’s “indescriminate and frankly dizzzope” use of marijuana. Prior to Weidman’s theft of Gastelum’s swag, the 25-year-old was observed smoking three joints in his dressing room, allowing him to adopt an exceptionally relaxed demeanour in the fight’s early rounds. Nevertheless, Weidman successfully navigated the mental hedgemaze of ganja to break a three-fight losing streak and bring home the W in the third round.
First there were the Vandals, who famously sacked Rome. Next came the Mongols, maurauding out of East-Central Asia to enslave half the world. And then there was the 209, wreaking havoc in Vegas and bringing UFC200 down in flames.
Today, we at Cage Burn salute the City of Stockton, California, for producing more hard men than a breakaway Russian Republic. We don’t know how they do it. They don’t have bears to wrestle. There are no mountains were people can chop wood. There are no Ivan Dragos.
In the aftermath of last weekend’s incredible events which saw UFC fighter and touchbutt brownbelt Conor McGregor unceremoniously merked by Stockton’s Nate Diaz, supporters of the newly crowned unofficial UFC Featherweight Champ and pound-for-pound kushlord stood for a ceremonial one minute flip-the-bird in the general direction of Ireland today at exactly 16.20 Pacific Standard Time.
In a stunningly apt display of ganjacity, a representative of the Nevada State Athletic Commission subsequently announced a medical suspension for the esteemed boxer and Jiu-Jitsu blackbelt which is to stand until April 20th and which has unofficially been claimed as a something of a reward for the lifetime cannabis afficonado.