Burn the Books is a recurring segment here at Cage Burn. Before every major event, and many of the minor ones, we will break down some of the best betting lines and give you our expert gambling advice. Today we take a look at UFC Fight Night: Overeem vs Arlovski from Rotterdam, NetherRegions, the Cleveland of Europe. It’s also the largest port on the old continent, which means that if you’ve ever done cocaine in Europe, there’s a good chance it came through Rotterdam!
Arlovski reveals himself to be a Slavic Werebear now that he’s closer to his native soil and everlasting immortality: +515
The chances of Andrei Arlovski actually being a werebear is relatively high. But ever since the Twilight Octrilogy was released, the younger generations might be inclined to think he’s a vampire. He’s clearly a werebear, you idiots. But, despite what you geographically retarded Americans might think, Rotterdam is not that close to Ex-Russiaslavia. He’s not ‘coming out’ here.
The asshats at Cage Burn will make a joke about Gunnar Nelson beating Twomenov: -150
An astute man might say we’ve already done it. W’ere not smarts. We really don’t know what it says to the maturity level of the writers, but the bylaws of Cage Burn (must write and use social media while drunk and/or other) indicates that there is a good chance this bet comes to pass.
Number of fans who go to a warehouse party following the event, take something and find themselves living in a caravan park outside of Hamburg later this month: 275 over / under
Over, over, over! Did you not read the bit in italics at the top of the post? Something is everywhere and cheap flights on RyanAir will bring yahoos from all over Europe to Rotterdam to watch people bring the pain. But the pain will be brought when these juggalo-level jokers wake up three days later with a girlfriend named Groszi who has a dread mullet and 213 piercings. Ich bin ein Hamburger, motherfuckers.
Number of Stefan Struve heads that could fit inside a Bigfoot Silva head: 3 over / under
This is a push. Yeah, Struve is 8 feet tall, but Silva’s head is the size of a small European country. Maybe Struve’s head has to duck to get in, but exactly 3 of them will get in there. Does your bookmaker offer a push?
Francimar Barroso shows up dressed as Elliot Ness for his walkout: +825
No way. Barroso’s opponent, Nikita Krylov, likes to dress as Al Capone. It would be a stroke of genius to come out dressed as Capone’s personal Kryptonite, federal agent Elliot Ness. Pre-Reebok this would have been more likely, but the associated fines with showing pieces of flair mean that a poverty-stricken fighter like Barroso is unlikely to pull such a stunt. Just say no!
Will Nelson beat Twomenov? +LOL hundred
You knew it!