Burn the Books is a recurring segment here at Cage Burn. Before every major event, and many of the minor ones, we will break down some of the best betting lines and give you our expert gambling advice. This week we look at UFC Fight Night: Rothwell vs dos Santos. Check out the previous edition of Burn the Books.
Times the phrase “where the fuck is zagreb” is typed into Google in the middle of the night: 30,000 over/under
This is a no-brainer. Bet the over! We fight fans are not the sharpest knives in the Monkey Fight. The smartest amongst us have read on the internet that Game of Thrones is set in Croatia, but few of us expect to see that many naked people in The Zagreb. But MMA is nothing if not educational, so Google on.
Ben Rothwell will ‘let the hatred flow through him’ and consume the soul of Junior dos Santos: +180
Whether or not Rothwell wins this fight is a matter of serious contention. We here at Cage Burn have him as the favourite, but can he win via soul consumption? The odds are stacked against him. Rothwell is a Sith Lord. When he’s not fighting, he’s busy dreaming up Star Wars villains. But he’s just as likely to finish JDS via eradication or Mortal Kombat fatality. Leave this one alone.
There will be more fighters with Wikipedia pages than there are fighters without: -150
This is a tricky proposition. Anytime the UFC goes to Europe they grab a bunch of random dudes and throw them on the card. There were going to be two guys named Bojan on this card until one was pulled for mysterious reasons and replaced by the wiki-less Curtis Blaydes. Take the bet, though. If something happens and the card looks less than 50% wikied, Cage Burn can get wiki-ing for a small fee and potentially earn you some cash. Let’s talk. Wink, wink.
Gabriel Gonzaga will get pelted with cups of beer when they show footage of him head-kicking native son Mirko Cro Cop: +220
It is a little known MMA fact Cro Cop is not Mirko’s given name. His real name is Filipovic and he is a CROatian COP. He will be in attendance in Zagreb, but not as a fighter, nor as an ambassador of the sport, but as a Cro Cop. Anyone found flinging projectiles toward the cage will receive a head kick of their own from the former special forces agent in the checkered shorts. That being said, surely someone who is too young to have seen Pride-era Mirko will think ‘I can take that old man’ and give this a go. Easy money, folks.
The Arena Zagreb gets a sponsor before the UFC Fight Night takes place: +100
Seriously, Zagreb, just take $1,ooo and call it the Bank of Zagreb Arena or something. Having a major sporting facility, one of the biggest in the country, lacking a sponsor shows a serious lack of professionalism on Croatia’s part. This should be the Zagreb Doritos Dome, or the Condom Depot Presents the Arena at Zagreb, or something. Have some dignity for Christ’s sake. Can they get a sponsor in time? Who the fuck cares. If I was a UFC, I would ban events at non-snack sponsored venues.