New York Moving Into 21st Century; Legalising People Attacking Each Other in Cages For Money

New York has taken its first step towards descending into a dystopian hellscape, by beginning the process to legalise MMA in the state. The Empire State is the last in The Union to uphold a ban on the sport, a spectacle of human cockfighting that sickens us all.

Opponents of the ‘Sick Science’ (as we call it here at Cage Burn) have argued that violence begets violence. As it stands now, people in New York are relegated to attacking each other in poorly lit streets, abandoned housing projects, or most dangerously, by crossing the Hudson River to attack each other in cages in nearby New Jersey.

Leia w Stupid Hat
How can you be concerned about MMA when you make out with your brother?

Opponents to legalisation contend that New York “is peaceful. We have no weapons. You can’t possibly…”

Others have said that MMA will be a gateway drug to chaos and anarchy. First, there is MMA, then marijuanas, then there is no god and babies are injecting heroin into their eyeballs because they haven’t any veins left.

We here at Cage Burn take the stance that if out-of-work college wrestlers want to first ground and then pound (or perhaps sprawl and/or subsequently brawl) each other for $5k to show and $5k to win, who are we to judge?

Keep your digits crossed – while this week we may indeed witness our society teeter closer to the brink, for the moment MMA in The Silly Apple remains in an obtuse legal category alongside other antisocial acts such as a ban on people walking around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in their pocket, women going topless in public provided it is not being used as a business, and citizens greeting each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”.


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