Matt Mitrione Signs With Bellator; Can Now Afford Shoes

Some fighters claim to be hungry. Not literally, in the sense of being poor and needing more food. They mean it metaphorically, as in, hungry for success. But no matter how hungry you are, you can’t eat success and / or championship belts. Yet a bit of success on the canvas may well put (actual) food on the table – or on your feet.

One fighter was so poor while fighting for the UFC that he could not even afford shoes. His name is Matt Mitrione and his shoeless days are over.

Following the expiry of his contract with the UFC, Mitrione signed on with rival promotion Bellator (Italian for beautiful tor). His new promotion’s mouthpiece, Scott Coker, has promised him all the shoes he could eat.

Chaplin Eating Shoe
More shoes, please, Mr Coker.

It wasn’t always this way in the UFC. In early 2015, the front running promotion signed an exclusive apparel deal with Reebok. Previously, fighters would seek out their own sponsors for their fight trunks and walkout gear. It was always a reliable source of income, but that well soon dried up once the agreement took hold.

It was obvious from the word go that the fighters would be worse off under the new arrangement, but we never suspected it would get this bad.

When reached for comment, a prominent balding billionaire at the forefront of said organistion said, “Fuck Matt Mitrione. And fuck his shoes!”

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